I Miss My Kid Today
We miss my kid today. That goes without saying, Perhaps, since I miss him every day. But about this day the pain is particularly sharp, the hurt especially deep. We miss my friend, We miss my brother, I miss my protégé. I miss the son of the youth, the pleasure of my cardiovascular. I miss seeing him and embracing him, I skip teaching him and learning from him, I miss the sound associated with his voice as well as the cackle of their laugh. I miss having a son at all. I just plain miss my Nick.
The time between right now and when he went to heaven has passed so quickly, however so slowly. It often feels like it was just yesterday that we received the phone call, simply yesterday that we suffered the funeral, simply yesterday that we watched the casket become lowered into the cold, dark ground. But at the same time it feels like it was a lifetime back. We were different people in the past, a different family with different desires, different presumptions, a different understanding of existence and death as well as the God who is sovereign over it all.
And just as the period between now and when Nick went to bliss has passed each quickly and gradually, I expect the time between at this point and when I go to heaven will pass both rapidly and slowly. This life is a dash, the blip, a steam, yet just as a classic slog, a marathon, a long and wearying pilgrimage. I have often noticed that while the brevity of life is greatest seen in retrospect, it is the slowness of life that is often felt in the moment. It may be brief as we look back on it, yet it’s long as we live it.
And it feels lengthy today. It looks long today. This looks long when i gaze into the future and see a road laid out before me that may well prospect through months, many years, decades. It appears longer still when i consider the heavy problem of grief Lord has called me personally to bear. I am confident I can carry a great weight for a short distance, but far less confident that I can carry it for many kilometers or many years. I simply don’t know how I will bear up below this sorrow basically have to carry it completely to the end.
My father, a landscaper, used to take me personally to work with him from time to time. I remember one day when he brought myself with him to be an unskilled but cost-effective source of manual labor. He demonstrated me a skid associated with brick that had been sent to the end of a client’s driveway and then a walkway that he was building to the doorway. My job had been to get the brick from the first spot towards the second. I remember looking at that huge pile with lose hope. How could I, in any way of 12 or 14 years of age, probably move what was quite literally a ton of stones? I realized I might have to do it in the only way I could. And so piece simply by piece, brick by brick, step by step, We carried each one of these bricks to my dad. He laid them as quickly as I could bring them, until a perfect route led to the entrance of that beautiful house.
And just therefore , while God has called me to deal with my grief for a lifetime, and to do so consistently, he has not called me to bear the entire weight of it simultaneously. As that pile was made up of numerous bricks, a lifetime is made up of many days. The burden of a whole lifetime’s tremendous grief would be far too heavy to bear and the problem of a whole lifetime’s faithfulness far too daunting to consider. But the Our god who knows my flaw has broken that assignment into small parts, little times, and has promised grace sufficient for each one of these. My challenge for today is not to deal with the grief of the lifetime or to become faithful to the end, but only to bring today’s grief in support of to be faithful about this one little day that he has disseminate before me.
And I am self-confident that, by their grace, I can carry out today’s assignment. We are confident that I can bear the burden of the day’s sorrow until night falls plus my eyes close within rest. I am self-confident that I can be faithful in today’s contacting for as long as the day continues. I don’t need to think about tomorrow or next week or next year. I don’t need the strength to carry the problems of any other day time and don’ capital t need the resolve to remain faithful by means of any other circumstance. The God-given task began this morning and expands only until this evening. Then, when I awaken with the dawning of the new day, I will awaken to brand new blessings, new strength, and new sophistication that will allow me to become strong and faithful through that time as well.
And in just that way, packet by brick, step by step, day by day, he will lead me, he will keep me, he will enable me to be strong and faithful in every that he calls me personally to. And as I actually serve my Father in the assignment he has given me, I know that each brick, each step, and each day is bringing me a little bit closer to the entrance of the great mansion that will belongs to your pet, and to me.