How to Stop Being a People-Pleasing Pastor or Head
After a post regarding casualties of being the people-pleasing pastor, I actually received the following email asking how to stop:
Possess just finished your blog post “ 7 Casualties of a Individuals Pleaser in Leadership“. I recognize I am a People-Pleasing Pastor. How do I turn the tide on this? How do I stop? I am viewing tension mounting for the team. There is annoyance on our staff and it is even spilling to our spouses, and my vision provides hit a brick wall. I really want to move away from this but I am finding this most difficult.
One disappointed pastor
Here had been my reply the way to stop people-pleasing:
I’ m impressed along with your boldness and honesty.
Here are a few thoughts to get started on:
Get firm again on the eyesight you are trying to accomplish.
It appears you have one, but people-pleasing should be more important to you compared to accomplishing this eyesight. I’ m not really trying to sound harsh here, but that’ s the reality. We all tend to do what we value most. You should begin to value the vision more than making people happy. Make sure your vision is God-honoring and God-ordained – which I’ m confident it is. When you are leading a church, obviously you want to do the will of Lord. He gives us latitude I believe, yet we want to make sure whichever we do honors Him and gives Him glory. Be assured of this.
The eyesight is what should keep your feet to the open fire. If it detracts or doesn’ t line up with the vision God offers given you, you shouldn’ t be as enthusiastic about it – regardless of who provides it to you. This doesn’ t suggest you can’ capital t say yes to things, but you can obviously say, “ I’ m sorry, but right now I’ m chasing this particular vision God offers given me . ”
Imagine the stress Moses was under as a leader in order to please the people, but he had to hold to the vision God experienced given him but not cave to the stress to always make sure you people.
Get buy in with a team towards reaching the particular vision
You need a group around you committed to the same defined vision you might have. Be careful who you surround yourself along with here. Make sure they are people who are not self-serving, can easily see a bigger picture, and can protect your back should the need arise. We all need people who can and will back us up whenever we are tempted to provide in and be a lady pleaser.
When you recruit them, make sure they understand the vision and are committed to seeing it to completion. Be truthful with your propensity to cave to stress from others. Present to them your desire to complete the eyesight and given them permission to speak into your life when they see you pleasing people more than accomplishing the vision.
Assign obligation and timelines
Give people real responsibility towards accomplishing the vision and measurable timelines toward achievement. This is hard for a few pastors, but you need to release responsibility intended for decisions made. This process is vital, because it keeps tasks moving forward and for that reason makes it easier and much more palatable when you have to say no to other factors. It’ s difficult to argue with achievement.
We often find it’ s sometimes simpler for someone closer to a task to say no to something new. For example , if a group desires us to start a brand new mission somewhere outdoors our focus region, the people who presently lead our mission efforts are often much better at protecting the particular vision we’ ve already set in place than I am. If I let those who guide in a specific section of ministry help make the particular decisions in their area, we will protect the vision more often.
Allow these same people to hold you accountable to sticking to these determined goals plus objectives. You will be more unlikely to cave to people pressure if you know items are on track to reach the vision. I actually give people on my team the suitable to tell me whenever I’ m veering from the vision we have before us.
The reality is, in case you recognize people satisfying is a weakness in your leadership, you’ lmost all have to discipline yourself away from it. This can take time. It most likely has been a weakness for a while now, so don’ t expect it to disappear instantly. When you sense you are making a decision purely to please others, give yourself a gut check out. Put it in your schema. Tie a thread around your finger if needed, yet by practice and consistency, recall the bigger picture.
When needed, call in the trusted advisors again. Renew the passion for the vision again. Slowly, over time, you’ ll find yourself much better able to say simply no when needed so you can better realize the vision God has placed on your heart.
Those are usually my initial recommendations. I’ m praying for you, Frustrated Pastor, but I’ m believing you can do this. God has called you to it. He will equip you accordingly as you surrender in order to His will. And I suspect He’ s i9000 already got a strategy for your future while you continue to obey.
Blessings for you, pastor,
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