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How I Stopped Being a People-Pleaser

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.

-Dolly Parton

I grew up within a dysfunctional family system along with emotional abuse and neglect. I quickly learned to stay small, even invisible, and set others’ needs ahead of my very own. I grew up feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, like there was something wrong beside me, a fatal flaw.

In high school, I discovered the power associated with alcohol to heal the feelings of discomfort and deficiency. Suddenly, I stated all the right things, fulfilled all the right people and may share my thoughts and feelings.

The alcohol dependency worsened once i married someone who confirmed our belief there was something incorrect with me. His constant criticisms and emotional neglect seemed home to me and I stayed married to him for further than ten years.

When the relationship ended, I began the journey away from self desertion. Less than a year later, We faced my alcohol abuse problem and entered a recuperation program.

I learned that addiction recovery is much more than stopping drinking. It’s about obtaining honest and digging deep to understand yourself and recognize what you’ve been through and exactly how that impacts your behaviour.

It was there that I discovered how to implement healthy boundaries in my life. Before that will, I thought I owed everybody whatever they wanted through me. I did not really feel I had the right to say no to anything.

Slowly, I actually realized it’s not selfish to set boundaries or eliminate toxic people from your life. Here are three things I discovered boundaries that surprised myself:

1 . Setting limitations is authentic.

This means being clear about what you would like and don’t want. It’s honoring to both your self and the people around you. People aren’t mind readers. That is why you need to tell people the way to treat you.

“People-pleasing” noises nice, but it’s a kind of deception because you’re not being honest about what you need. You internalize that self-abandonment and do things like drinking or eating too much to try and feel a lot better.

2 . Setting boundaries increases confidence.  

My confidence grew because my choices aligned more with my desires than trying to please other people. My opinion about myself changed once i stopped putting myself final.  

When you set healthy boundaries, you begin to believe your requirements matter. As you fulfill all those needs, you rely less on unhealthy coping mechanisms to feel okay. And you feel better about yourself along the way.

3. Setting boundaries helps you discover your values.

When I got more deliberate about how I spent the time and energy, my values grew to become clear to me. As I focused more on doing things that satisfied me, I used these values to help me make decisions that would keep myself on track for the life I wanted.

As a result, I spent time on things and people that will made me feel potential myself. In the process I acquired clarity over what considered most to me, and those were not material things.

Knowing my values has helped me live a more intentional life, 1 aligned with my passion to share knowledge about healing through childhood trauma. Rather than concealing my past, now I utilize it as a way to reach others.

I actually no longer react to life yet am actively creating 1 I love. I’ve made intentional choices to use my presents to serve others and to live simply and compassionately.

In the past, I’d wake up dreading each day because it meant simply surviving and getting through. We knew my needs would take a back seat to what I thought everyone else wanted.

Now I wake up excited at the prospect of a later date doing what lights myself up and makes me feel authentic and correct. This is how healthy boundaries possess helped me create a life in-line with my values plus purpose.

Have you experienced the power of setting boundaries? Just how has that made a difference in your life?

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