Tips on how to Overcome Victim Thinking: a few Powerful Steps
“Self-pity is our worst foe and if we yield into it, we can never do anything sensible in this world. ”
How do you respond if something in your life doesn’t go as you wish?
Well, at first you’ll probably feel pain associated with some sort.
But what happens after that? What do you do after the initial pain?
Do you think of yourself as being a victim, as someone with little or no control or power?
Do you slip back into a familiar headspace where you feel sorry for yourself and where you feel like someone – or the whole world – is against you?
I used to get stuck in that destructive and self-esteem sucking way of thinking quite often. And am know that many people get stuck in it from time to time.
Or more often than that.
So this week I’d like to share 3 or more steps that helps me to move out of that headspace plus replace it with something better.
Step 1 : Recognize the benefits of the particular victim mentality.
The victim mindset can be pretty beneficial for the short term and for instant gratification. Some benefits are:
Attention and approval.
You are able to get good feelings from other people as they are concerned regarding you and try to help you out.
But it may not last for that long as people get tired of it.
You don’t have to take risks.
When you feel like a target you tend to not take action. And so you don’t have to danger, for instance, rejection or failing.
Have no to take the responsibility.
Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you really difficult decisions and it is just tough from time to time.
In the short term it can feel like the simpler choice to not take private responsibility.
It makes you feel like that you simply right.
When you feel like the target and like someone else is usually wrong and you are right after that that can lead to pleasurable emotions.
In my experience, by simply being aware of the benefits I can derive from victim thinking it becomes easier to say no to that whenever such thoughts start to creep up and to choose to take a different path.
Step 2: Consider what the long-term consequences of this will be.
The benefits above can be quite addicting.
But what is going to the long-term consequences of having stuck in victim thinking be?
- How will it hold you back from doing the things deep down dream about in every area of your life?
- How will this affect your most important romantic relationships?
- How does it affect your relationship with yourself?
Be honest with yourself and get motivation to change by seeing how destructively this can affect your life over the next 12 months and over the next 3 or 5 years.
Step three: Replace the victim considering with something more helpful.
Not to create a vacuum where those thoughts about being a target used to run around for hours upon hours you need to replace the negative thought routines with something more useful.
Like for example:
After that initial pain is gone – or even smaller – you don’t have to create more suffering for yourself.
Instead, tap into appreciation.
I occasionally do that by asking myself this question to move out on my situation and also to gain a more level-headed perspective:
Does someone on the planet have it worse than me right now?
Learn and take action.
After tapping into a more thankful frame of mind my mind also becomes more open to getting an optimistic answer out of our next question.
It’s usually something like:
What is one thing I could learn from this situation?
Then I follow that up with:
What is one small step I can take to move forward or out of this circumstance today?
Ask yourself: How can I provide value to one person within my life right now?
Help this particular person out in some way when you are kind, by listening or by doing something practically such as.
By doing so you’ll feel more powerful again. You’ll create more happiness for the other person and you will feel better about your day as well.
I really like this quote about forgiveness from Catherine Consider:
“When you hold resentment toward one more, you are bound to that person or even condition by an emotional link that is stronger compared to steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. ”
You don’t have in order to forgive just because it is something you “should do”.
You don’t have to do it to be the better person either.
You can do it just for yourself. For your own well-being and freedom.
Release yourself from the agony and focus your limited time and energy on things that will make a person happier.