This New Study Found the Most Important Trait People Look For inside a Partner
If a scientist told you the particular single most important quality to consider in a partner in order to assure a happy, lifelong relationship, would you pay attention?
The vast majority of people go through lifestyle looking for that partner who also just suits , who brings joy and fullness and real love that lasts beyond the initial excitement of a new fling. While each person is unique and must find that person on their own, researchers claim to have found part of “the answer” that will predicts the success of relationships across the globe.
In a recent study conducted by mindset researcher Andrew Thomas through the U. K. ’s College of Swansea, the team studied 2, 700 students to determine what qualities had been most important to them in a long-term partner. The researchers selected both male and female students, and they drew through two traditionally “Eastern” nations and three traditionally “Western” countries in order to determine if any trait won out despite gender, culture, and geography.
As it turns out, an Australian man plus a Malaysian woman want the same thing in a mate— amazing advantages. While the additional attribute options varied significantly in rank depending on sex and culture, kindness has been consistently the number one desired feature in a partner.
Another research organization, the world-famous Gottman Institute, has spent years coming to an identical conclusion. Dr . John Gottman claims he can predict along with 94% accuracy whether couples will be together and happy, together and unhappy, or broken up years later. Are you aware what he looks for? A person guessed it—the secret is based on whether couples bring a spirit of kindness to the relationship or a spirit associated with “contempt, criticism, and hatred. ”
So if kindness is so essential to a lasting, healthy romantic relationship, then it is crucial to examine exactly what might detract from its existence in a partner or relationship, right?
It might surprise you to realize that pornography consumption does not invoke kindness in interactions. In fact , research shows that porno is strongly linked to aggression, objectification, shame, and solitude impulses—the opposite of kind traits, wouldn’t you say?
Let’s pack in facts.
Related: Sexual Objectification Linked To Physical Aggression, Research Shows
It may be no surprise to learn that research overwhelmingly shows that online porno is aggressive and violent.
These days, more hardcore content portrays clearly abusive themes such as rape, gang rape, physical assault, and derogatory and racist name-calling. But even popular porn found on free sites has general trends of drive, aggression, manipulation, and pressure.
It’s harder today to avoid violent hardcore porn than to search for it intentionally.
One particular ground-breaking study from a couple of years ago examined 50 of the very most popular porn films and found that only one scene out of 10 included no aggression. On top of that, 95% of the victims in the violent scenes were either fairly neutral to the abuse or replied with pleasure and enjoyment. How twisted is that?
And one big issue with porn’s portrayal of hostility is that it sets the stage for glamorizing unequal energy dynamics in relationships, normalizing dehumanizing attitudes towards one’s partner (especially if that partner is female), plus desensitizing consumers to behaviours, language, or attitudes that are harmfully aggressive toward one’s partner.
Related : Are you able to Tell The Difference Between #MeToo Stories And Porn Plot Lines?
So not only does porn show scene after scene of aggression, but it also impacts the consumer’s brain in a drug-like way, physically changing neural pathways and training the brain to see its intense themes as increasingly regular.
Do any of such studies’ findings sound like they contribute to kindness in interactions?
Portion of healthy love and portion of kindness, is the continual gift of humanizing others, associated with seeing them for who they actually are as people and treasuring their uniqueness. Porn does the opposite of humanizing people—it objectifies them.
Related: Study Links Porno Consumption To Higher Levels Of Objectification And Tricking Partners Straight into Sex
Pornographic scripts objectify individuals by portraying them because sexual objects to be used and exploited for personal pleasure. Porn works by removing humanity from situations and people. With just a few clicks, you can find numerous videos built around the “fantasy” associated with taking advantage of someone like an underage babysitter. In real life, even though? These encounters are not a fantasy—they are abusive, violating, and life-altering.
This matters since porn has been shown to deteriorate feelings of compassion and humanity in consumers. A partner whose brain is influenced simply by porn’s messaging can be very likely to harbor objectifying views plus less likely to empathize properly with his or her partner’s own experiences with exploitation—whether inside or outside of the partnership.
Porn doesn’t just teach consumers in order to objectify their partners. It also leads both women and men to objectify themselves.
Let’s encounter it: kindness and objectification are completely at chances with each other. Porn can hurt the kindness connection somebody has to themself and others that helps relationships stay strong.
Related: Objectification Vs . Empathy: Consuming Porn Reduces The Ability To Relate To Others
Unkind shame and isolation
Psychologist Dr . Whilst gary Brooks, who has worked with porn addicts for over 30 years, says that “The more 1 uses pornography, the more unhappy one becomes. ”
Porn’s addictive character can train a consumer’s brain to need a lot more porn in a more hardcore version order to feel optimistic dopamine-induced feelings, to this kind of extent that normal life activities and connections with people don’t produce the same sense of pleasure.
Studies also show that porn consumers can feel less dedicated to their relationships, enjoy less sexual satisfaction, and commit more infidelity. This isn’t a guarantee for every consumer, naturally , though it does happen.
As consumers start to experience reduced sexual closeness in reality and the insecurity that will porn fosters, they can frequently self-isolate into shame as well as depression. The porn business thrives on this because it will keep consumers coming back for more whenever they feel they cannot turn anywhere else.
Related: Famous Relationship Therapists Drs. Jules & John Gottman Discharge “Open Letter On Porn”
As Dr . Julie Gottman from the Gottman Institute describes, porn consumption “can endanger a relationship’s intimacy… Intimacy for couples is a source of connection and communication between two people. But when one person gets accustomed to masturbating to porno, they are actually turning away from intimate interaction. ”
It is type to turn toward intimacy in a relationship and to contribute to it. Shame and isolation habits, however , can only reduce the link between partners and with oneself.
Related: Research Finds Regular Porn Consumption Leads To Lower Sexual Satisfaction For Both Men & Women
Will you be the attention the world needs?
If kindness is powerful enough to strike a chord with men and women through Singapore to the U. Nited kingdom. more than any other quality, we think it’s worth ditching methods that foster the opposite—destructive traits of aggression, objectification, and shame. Join all of us in pursuing healthy, long lasting, and kind love. Think about ditching porn and growing the word to others.
And if you’ ve struggled with porn, and you’ ve seen the negative effects in your life, there is wish for healing and recovery. You may get help today to make long lasting changes, just check out our friends at Fortify.
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now provides a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your compulsive behavior, and track your own recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
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