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seven Tips for Supporting a Friend Who is Struggling with Porn

By now, many of us have probably been on the receiving finish of a message or discussion about a friend, partner, or loved one’ s have trouble with porn.

In the Fight the New Drug head office, our team receives messages like this on the regular:

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And when you or a loved one can be struggling, you’ ve come to the right place.

Before you go anywhere else, we invite you to check out our step by step conversation guidebook that will help you navigate how to talk with someone who shared they’ re struggling with porn.

Conversation Blueprint

Not really everyone is an addict.

The first thing you have to realize is that not every person that consumes porn is an addict, or even will become an addict. Dependancy is a serious disease plus falsely labeling someone as an addict can do some severe damage. There are serious variations between addictions, compulsions, obsessions, and so on.

Related : So that you Think You Have A Porn Problem—Now What Do You Do?

Imagine what would happen if everyone that had one particular sip of alcohol was checked into rehab. Dependancy is a more of a medical problem than a mental 1, so misdiagnosis and recommending the wrong treatment can be harmful. It’ s best to depart it to the professionals.

Addiction or compulsion, no one wants to see themselves suffer this way. You want to assist lift them out of this quicksand-like problem that’s sucking all of them in. You want to learn how to recover from the collateral damage that may happen when you love someone with a porn problem—but how?

Here are some fundamental things you can do to take action and help your loved one and yourself.

Listen.

If someone opens up to you about their struggle with porno, try your best to listen to them without shame or judgment. If you respond well, are going to more likely to open up to you, as well as other people, in the future. If you respond with shaming or negativity, even if it’ s with good intentions, you could ensure it is much more difficult for them to end up being courageous enough to talk about this in the future, especially when they currently feel remorse for on their own.

Think of this this way: if they didn’ big t already feel badly regarding their porn struggle, would certainly they really be opening up to you? Probably not.

Related : Precisely why Being Anti-Porn & Anti-Shame Go Hand In Hand

Usually, they don’t need a lecture at this moment, therefore it’s best to just listen to them talk and share. It can be scary to tell other people in regards to a problem that is frequently stigmatized, and usually kept a total secret. Porn is an extremely isolating issue; so make certain they know that they are not only, and you have their back.

It’s totally regular to feel a strong emotional reaction when someone you like tells you that he or she has this problem. It’ s not healthy to repress or completely bottle those feelings, yet it’ s always a good idea to first respond to your loved one along with hope, love, and support. There will be time for you to acknowledge plus express how you feel, but responding with negativity and frustration at the start can damage the start associated with open conversations that are therefore needed here. They’ ve probably suffered enough on their own, without added shame.

(Read this amazing true Fighter story to see an example of a great reaction to her opening up about her porn issue. )

Get educated.

In order to really be able to assist a loved one and be familiar with issue, it’ s time to do your homework.

It’ s best to know the technology behind how pornography affects the brain, heart, and the world. Understanding the addictive nature of pornography consumption can help you much better understand and sympathize along with your loved one, too. Check out our website that has over 1, 000 published pieces for more comprehensive stories about porn’ t harms, and the latest analysis.

Related : 15 Clinically Explained Reasons Why Porn Is not Healthy For Consumers Or Society

For parents, we have a totally free, step-by-step guide to addressing pornography with your children called Let’ s Talk About Porn. We specifically designed it to jumpstart meaningful and shame-free conversations within your own family or community, so we know it’ lmost all be a great tool for you personally and yours!

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Recognize that it’s not regarding you.

It is common for partners, specifically, to feel inadequate whenever their partners confess an issue with porn. But something which needs to be remembered in this time is that this problem has nothing to do with you. In fact , it usually has little to do with satisfying the need for sex or intimacy.

Related : A Notice Of Encouragement From One Girlfriend, Whose Boyfriend Struggles With Porn, To Another

In super basic terms, pornography consumption is generally an unhealthy coping mechanism that hijacks the pleasure middle of the brain. This problem most likely existed long before you came into the picture. It’s not your problem, and you’ re never to blame.

Friends and family might feel like they should be sufficient for their loved ones. Parents might feel like they should have taken better steps to prevent the loved one coming in contact with pornography at all, but the fact is, it can be found easily nearly anywhere you turn.

It can be so easy to take your loved one’s porno consumption personally. But remember that will it’s actually not even about you at all. It’s their own personal issue that they have created on their own, and they need to combat on their own. That doesn’t mean that you can’t help them from this dependency by showing all of them encouragement and support, but realize if they struggle, it’s not your fault and you can’ t “ fix” all of them.

Find assistance.

Loving somebody who struggles with addictive, obsessive, or compulsive behaviors may take a serious toll. And that goes for any type of unhealthy behavior—drugs, porn, gambling, eating, you mention the product and. The issue might be their issue, but pornography especially can perform some damage to relationships plus friendships without any intention whatsoever.

Betrayal injury, depression, anxiety, and distrust can all be side effects of loving and assisting someone with a severe porn problem, especially if it’ t a romantic relationship. If you find yourself psychologically affected by your loved one’ s struggle, try to find somebody you trust that you can talk to.

Consider going to a counselor or counselor, because they have been specifically conditioned to listen to people struggling with problems, and they aren’t involved in your own personal life. There are also support groups for those who have loved ones involved in addictive behaviors, too. No one moves this path alone.

Associated : It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: What Companions Of Porn Consumers Wish You Knew

Porn can kill love in a relationship however it can also kill self-love, maybe most of all, for both consumer and friend/partner. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself. Think of it as an air mask on an airplane—you need to secure your own support system before you can help someone else. You have to be mentally and emotionally healthy enough to be in a place where you can support them and cheer them on.

Show support.

Because everyone and every scenario are different, the best way to help is usually to ask your loved one what you can do to help. What do they need? They can evaluate the situation and figure out how you will be involved, whether that’s checking in with them on a regular basis or simply listening if they need anyone to talk to.

The most crucial things you can do to support them are to let them know that they are loved, and also to get your own support program set up. Let them know that you are within their corner in this fight—they do not have to do this alone.

It’s also important to understand that you can’t single-handedly make them much better. That’ s not your obligation or responsibility, ever. You might have to be their cheerleader on the sidelines rather than getting yourself into the trenches with them, yet even cheering them on makes a world of distinction. You can give support, yet ultimately they have to be the one that does the work and makes the hard decision to stop for good. And make sure to suggest some awesome recovery programs so they can check out, like our friends at Fortify.

Conversation Blueprint

Find the balance.

When it comes to addictive and unhealthy behaviors, there can be a fine line between supporting plus enabling. You want to help all of them in any way you can, but occasionally helping someone too much can make things worse because they think you support their harmful behavior, right? So what’ s the answer?

People with porn problems require sympathy, but they also occasionally have to hear that what they are doing is negatively impacting them and their interactions, when the opportunity arises. Remember that forgiveness and love are essential pieces to recovery, while shaming is never alright or helpful. At the same time, sheltering someone from the reality from the consequences of their actions can also be not helpful, either

Related : Shame Made Our Struggle With Porn Much Worse, Not Better

So , what’s the total amount?

Honestly, this will depend on the individual case, yet there is a fairly good check to measure it: in case you are putting in a lot more work to their recovery than they are, you might be enabling rather than helping. And that’ s not really great for either of a person.

Become a Jet fighter.

Join the movement. Signing the Fighter Pledge allows you to join a large number of other people all over the world that trust in being strong, open-minded, accepting, bold, rebellious, real, understanding, and encouraging by selecting real love over porn.

Be happy to be part of a community that will believes in love. You are able to join our street groups, rep the movement with some awesome Fighter gear from our own store, and even invite all of us to come visit your school or community to help spread the word. In the end, we’ lso are all fighting for like together, alongside each other.

And no matter exactly how difficult, the fight is worth it, and there is wish. Both for you, as a friend or partner, and for those people who are struggling to break free.

The post 7 Methods for Supporting a Friend Who’ s i9000 Struggling with Porn appeared very first on Fight the New Drug.